Puberty is such an important stage in life but we fail to give it its due place. It is a crucial point when our kids turn from innocent to responsible. It is a time where they changed from being merely a born Muslim to a Mukallaf. A servant of God with a duty to observe Allah's prescribed commands and boundaries.
A male reaches puberty once he experience a wet dream or reaches 15 years of age whichever is earlier, while a female reaches puberty once menstruation starts (which is around age 9-12) or 15 years of age whichever is earlier.
My children are still young, but I do wish to note this down, so that when the time comes, I will be prepared. I hope I will be able to talk to them kindly and wisely and convey what I wish to convey fully and clearly.
Dear Child,
Congratulation for becoming an adult today, I am very happy and proud of you. I am proud that you have turned into a Mukallaf today. Even though in the eyes of the secular society you are still a child, but we know very well that you are an adult. Allah has given you a great gift and that is your "aql" the capacity to think, to learn. Knowledge is a powerful tool and I hope that I have taught you well regarding what is right and what is wrong. From now on, you are responsible for all your deeds and actions; its rewards and repercussions. If, you are ever in doubt, follow your heart, as the heart of a true believer never lies, if there is but a smudge of uneasiness in your heart, stay away from whatever it is that you are thinking of doing.
Remember that the best of us in Allah's eyes, are the one who is most god-fearing of us all. The one who strives to perform his obligations, stay away from the forbidden and keep clear from the gray areas. In this time and place, I know that you are faced with a lot of worldly distractions that I myself may not be aware of. I hope that I have instill in you the right values to think for yourself, what is beneficial to you and what is not.
Be proud of your religion, never be ashamed of it. Never think that it is full of constraints. Each time you are forced to choose between following the trend or your peers and following your religion, I want you to think objectively what each is asking of you and what each is offering in return.
Never think that you are still young and religious duties can wait for we know not when death will take us and we know not whether we will be able to shake off the bad habits that we cultivated and truly repent. It is true that Allah will accept our repentance if we are truly sorry, but is it not better to be grateful to our Creator and not disobey him in the first place? For without Him, we are nothing. Remember, we are living because of the Ruh that He has breathed into us, we are breathing because of the air He has created for us, we are living because of the Earth that He has placed us on. If, He wishes so, He can take away everything in just a blink of an eye. Be thankful to Allah my child, never forget his ni'mah for a second. Remember that even if we don't see Him, He sees us all the time.
One of the most wonderful thing of being an adult is that the ability, need and want to love someone is enhanced. You can not deny this for Allah has created us in pairs and placed our tranquility within each other. It is normal to feel restless without a partner, normal to feel happy and peaceful when in love, normal to want to love and be loved. It is part of our nature created by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. But, Allah has imposed boundaries on our relationship with the opposite sex and this relationship will only be pure and permissible in the form of marriage.
Relationship outside of marriage is open to a lot of instigation from Shaitan in many forms; television, magazines, music videos, social media, your peers and your own nafs. That seemingly harmless first date will inevitably lead to seemingly harmless holding of hands and then towards other physical stuffs. You can not avoid it, it is our nature as man is our cover as we are theirs, which means all our bodily desires are fulfilled by man and all of theirs are fulfilled by us. Sex is not a taboo my dear, it is a wonderful thing, a ni'mah from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, a means to to fulfill your desires so that the mind will be stable and steady not restless and fidgety. A tool for procreation, for you to experience the joy of parenting and having your own family. A bridge of love and affection between husband and wife.
But this wonderful thing can turn into a dark secret if it is committed outside of marriage, it can lead to a lot of negative things, secrecy, jealousy, undesirable competition, multiple sexual partners, child out of wedlock, abortion and sexually transmitted diseases. The pleasure will still be there, but it will be tainted. I hope and I pray, when such desires pounces upon you, you will be able to turn away. It is very unlikely that you will be able to if your physical experiences has reached a certain stage and that is why it is important to take steps to avoid being physical in the first place and to avoid situations that will assist in such physical intimacy.
I am not disallowing you from liking someone, indeed, if you are attracted to someone that has good and desirable qualities and values and the feeling is reciprocated, I will be happy for you. It's just that I hope when that time comes, you will be able to talk to me and share with me your happiness and concerns and I can be there to guide you through. Your father and I are also very pro- early marriage and will assist you in any way should you desire to do so.
The best advice that I can give you now, is to mind your prayers. Pray on time and never dally, for praying 5 times a day on time is your best guard against wrong doing. Remember Allah and Allah will remember you my dear. He will instill in you the compass to guide you in life and the conscience and strength to walk away from what is wrong.
Congratulations once again my dear, May we all strive hard in this world for Allah's approval and May we see each other in Jannah in our after life Insya Allah.
Hugs,
Mommy.
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