10 Steps to Staying Attractive For Your Husband at Home

There's a saying that goes something like this "The world is full of adornment and it's best adornment is a pious woman."

So, who says that a pious woman can not dress up and beautify themselves when they are the best adornment in the world? The trick is to dress up for the right person in the right place. Dressing up for your husband is to me the most fun act of piety (ibadah) I have ever known . Don't you just love it when your husband look at you and compliment you how nice you look today. Don't you love it when he says how lucky he is to  have married a beautiful wife? It makes you feel very appreciated doesn't it? Granted some men are quite slow in this area, seldom showering their partner with praises but hey you can drop some hints or ask bluntly for a praise if you really want it. Otherwise, feeling good by looking good for your husband can suffice for a start. 

How do you dress up for your husband at home then? Fret not, below are some guidelines to follow:

1) Always groom yourself. Personal hygiene is very important, ensure that your mouth smells nice, unwanted hair are removed and your feminine organ (for lack of more tactful term) is clean. 

2) Always smell nice, if you have a body odor, ensure that you bathe when you sweat and put on your deodorant even when at home. A sweet smelling perfume is desirable but not really necessary especially if you put on lotion that already has a scent.

3) Take care of your skin, always hydrate your skin. Let's face it, no one is eternally young, our soft, velvety skin will always be affected by age, pregnancy and what nots. So, don't forget your moisturizer, hand and body cream. However tiresome you think it is. Trust me, it will not go in vain. Even if you will not get your skin back to its former glory, you can at least prevent it from aging faster. 

4) Take care of your nails. I am not asking you to do a pedicure and manicure every week but at least keep them presentable and healthy. Your toenails are especially exposed to dirt when you are outside, so do keep them clean. 

5) Take care of your hair, do ensure that it is presentably cut and don't penny pinch on shampoos and conditioners and hair mask. Do go to a good salon and get a hair treatment once in a while. At home, do ensure that hair is properly brushed and keep a variety of hairbands, hair pins and hair accessories. Please don't just get any hair cut because it  is easy to maintain. Remember you are the sex siren of the house.

6) Dress up at home. Stay away from old shirts and sarongs at home. Try dresses, dressy tops and slacks and even skirts.  Of course, you shouldn't go to the extreme and dress like an indecent person especially if you are living with your in-laws or your kids are already big, just dress presentably.

7) Accessorize yourself. Put on nice earrings or dainty necklace. Try to put on a different set of earring every other day. The best part of this is that you can try out different looks and see which one he likes best. 

8) Invest in good quality underwear and lingerie. Think lacy and sexy and body flattering. Don't ask him whether he thinks that you need to buy new underwear cos his answer will be a resounding no. Just go ahead and buy what you know he will like and when you wear it he will not blame you for buying it. 

9) Take care of your body. if you have put on weight more than what you weighed when you got married, I have only one word for you. Exercise! I know that it's no fun and tiring and we all love to make up tons of excuses for it but hey, it is an essential part of keeping fit. Just sneak it as much activity as you can in your daily life. Do some spot running while carrying your baby or some crunches before sleep or even lunges when you bathe your child. Let's face it, our hubby married us for a reason and that is they were attracted to us the way we were. If we are in a better shape than before; Alhamdulillah, that's great and we should keep it up but, if we are in a bad shape then we owe it to ourselves more than to them to put our body back in shape. Keeping yourself in shape is essential in performing your duties as an active mother and a versatile and multi-tasking wife. 

10) Last but not least, always pray to Allah that he keeps the love between you and your husband alive and he will find peace and contentment in you and that your strengths are magnified and your weaknesses are played down in his eyes.

May Allah give us the strength to be wonderful wives to our husbands :)

  

My Rights as a Muslim Wife

We all know that a Muslim wife has been granted the following rights by Islam:

1) The Mahr / dowry before marriage which Islam has not stated the minimum or maximum sum. Instead, it is recommended that the man gives according to his financial means and we are advised not to put too much strain on the man with regards to the dowry.

2) The Nafqah / maintenance; usually taken as food and clothing but in this modern society can be expanded to include other costs incurred during routine daily life such as transportation and what nots.

3) A shelter, a roof over her head, again according to the man's means. 

4) The right to be treat justly and fairly should the man has more than one wife. 

5) The right to be treated kindly (Husnul Mu'asyarah)

Now, the issue here is the kind treatment of the wife, what exactly constitute "kind treatment"? Here are my thoughts based on my experience as a wife. 

1) My right to be treated with respect. My husband should not belittle my actions or character and especially my opinion. Respect does not mean full acceptance as no one is perfect and we might make mistakes here and there, but please do not belittle us and condemn our actions instead kind words and advice will be much more appreciated.

2) My right to be treated with love, care and affection. A loving gaze, a smile first thing in the morning, a warm hug, deserving praises all goes a long way in building a loving home. 

3) My right to be forgiven when I make unintentional mistakes and acceptance of my weaknesses as I try to improve myself. Do remember that you have your weaknesses as I have mine and you have your strengths as I have mine and through our union we try to complement each other and help each other to be a better person and Muslim.

4) My right to be heard in matters concerning the family or ourselves.

Islam advocates discussions when decisions are needed on issues relating to family matters. For example in the case of breastfeeding and weaning of children, Allah has mentioned in Surah Al-Baqarah verse 233:

" If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no sin on them."

Therefore, Islam promotes a consultative approach in  marriage as this foster communication between husband and wife and greater understanding of our partners views and concerns. I personally can not stand iron clad dictatorship. That is not the style of our Prophet peace be upon him and definitely not the style I want my husband to adopt.

5) My right to be assisted in running the house and children. As I am your partner and not your servant and this is not the feminist in me talking. For even our dear prophet Muhammad peace be upon him helped around in his house and even mend his own clothes.   It is mentioned in Shahih Bukhari that a man named Aswad asked what did Rasulullah do in his house and Aishah replied that he was always helping around in the house, but will leave the house when it is time to perform the prayer.

6) My right to sexual relations with my husband. Let's be frank, we women have desires as you men have, and it goes both ways, the same way as us women must satisfy your needs, so do you men have to satisfy our needs. You can't use this to emotionally abuse your wife. Islam states that the a husband must satisfy the wife at least once in four month unless she waives her right. 

7) My right not to be abused. This is very important, based on kind treatment, verbal abuse is definitely out of the question in Islam. Whereas physical abuse veiled as disciplining is also out as we can't be hit in the face, nor can our husbands hit us in a way that will leave a mark on our body or cause us injury.

Allah subhanahu wa taala has stated in Surah An-Nisaa' verse 34:

"As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great."

Therefore, if I am wrong, you can't straight away hit me, or shout at me, you have to advise me, if I continue with my wrongdoing still, you can't hit me, you distance yourself physically so that I will crave your attention and love and reflect on my actions. But if I still persevere, then and only then can you hit me though lightly and refrained with no intention to injure or cause hurt to me. 

Hence, if I ever make unintentional errors  due to ill-judgement, you should advise me and I will change, if I am caught in a more serious blunder then you should distance yourself from me to shock me to reflect on my actions but if I ever let myself be embroiled in actions that is against our religion and or immoral and will cause harm to myself,  our family and to the society, then and only then can you lift your finger against me and within the parameters set by Islam. 

These are my rights as a Muslim wife and in return for these I pledge to fulfill my responsibilities towards you...


(Next post; My Responsibilities as a Muslim Wife coming soon..)